I know my calculus, and I’m not even ashamed.

 We have all experienced those moments of nostalgia from yesteryear. And I just so happened to randomly have one for the satirical MTV manufactured boy band, 2gether (or 2ge+her/2Ge+Her). I’ll  never forget when I first saw the “band”–I was down the street at my childhood best friend’s house and MTV was pretty much the only channel cool enough for us to watch. This was the year 2000. MTV had just started broadcasting the shows JackassThe Tom Green Show, and Cribs. Eminem was winning MTV’s Video of the Year for “The Real Slim Shady” and Shawn Fanning, the Napster dude, was mocking Metallica onstage. Britney Spears was only 18-years-old…and this was also the year she rocked the flesh-colored outfit for her performance of “Satisfaction/Oops…I Did it Again.” Christina Aguilera and Fred Durst rocked it out onstage. Tim Commerford, of Rage Against The Machine, climbed up a fake palm tree while Durst was accepting his Best Rock Video award. Over on Total Request Live, Carson Daly probably would  have laughed in your face if you had told him he would be the future host of The Voice, considering TRL‘s was about to hit its peak during that summer.

Elsewhere in the entertainment world, Friends was still on the air (and being renewed for two more seasons), Ellen DeGeneres was newly single (obviously, pre-Portia), Madonna and Guy Ritchie were getting hitched, Survivor clocked 51 million viewers during their first season finale, and Gladiator premiered.

What was I doing in 2000? Well, it was a traumatizing time for me. I was in 7th grade, had just turned 13, and was absolutely scared shitless. Prior to my 7th grade year, I was an ugly duckling of sorts…I had the glory of being bestowed braces, glasses, and freakishly curly hair all at the same time (thank you, puberty…), and I was an incredible dork. My idea of fun was going to the library to check out 10 new books, playing my piano (or xylophone–I was in band and orchestra), or writing in my journal. I was a swimmer and played field hockey, which I think was likely the only reason I was grouped into the ‘popular’ crowd–and the reason for my middle school misery. So, going back to 2000, I suddenly blossomed into a not-so-ugly duckling, whereby my “friends” automatically assumed that I was now a threat to their boyfriends, an assumption that still makes me smile fondly to myself today. Anyway, so between all the boyfriend stealing nonsense, I had severe trust issues and would only hang out with a few girls. Luckily for me, I was comfortable enough to hang out with the girl down the street, because otherwise I would have had zero exposure to pop culture. It was already bad enough at middle school dances when I didn’t know all the words to the newest Nelly song…I was too busy listening to my dad’s Fleetwood Mac or Bob Seger CDs in his car (the only place that had a CD player for use, it was 2000 after all)…

Anyway, you’re probably wondering, where is this all going?

That is right ya’ll…the hottest thing in 2000 was…THE BOY BANDS. [Cue the pre-pubescent girls audio track “EEEEEEEEE!”].

If you bothered to read through that paragraph of crap about myself when I was a huge loser in middle school, you might have come to the conclusion that I was not a boy band freak. Good job. Luckily, I did (and still do, I think) possess an uncanny sense of sarcasm and complete love for satire. And I think this is why I am still easily excited over 2gether.

The awesome hilarity is difficult to put into words, but I shall try.

First of all, entertainment culture was being pelted with songs from such wonders as New Kids on the Block, The Backstreet Boys, N’Sync, and 98 Degrees. And it was about time someone made fun of that crap, and, interestingly enough, it was MTV who did so.

On February 21, 2000, MTV changed my world forever with their first made-for-TV movie, 2gether: The Original Movie…95 minutes of pure genius crafted from the hands of Brian Gunn, Mark Gunn, and Nigel Dick. Thankfully we  have made technological strides since 2000, so I was able to rewatch 2gether, for the first time in probably 12 years, thanks to some internet pirate who uploaded it into 9 parts on YouTube. Not to disclose any SPOILERS (Alert!), but the plot essentially consists of thus: Bob Buss, manager of the really awesome band, Whoah!, gets fired. He decides to find a star. He is promised the opening act slot of a Whoah! performance if he assembles a boy band. Boy band is assembled. Whoah! is caught lip-syncing. 2gether becomes the newest really awesome boy band.

The plot plays second fiddle to the ridiculous script and fulfilled stereotypes throughout. Here are some sweet GIFs (mostly of my own creation) and photos devoted to each band member:

Jerry O’Keefe, “The Heartthrob”

As portrayed by Evan Farmer

Chad Linus, “The Shy One”

As portrayed by Noah Bastian

Doug Linus, “The Older Brother”

As portrayed by Kevin Farley

Jason ‘Q.T.’ McKnight, “The Cute One”

As portrayed by Michael Cuccione

Mickey Parke, “The Bad Boy”

As portrayed by Alex Solowitz

And for my favorite moments, which I have immortalized forever with grainy screenshots:

“I heart you.”

“I had braces when I was 14, but I could always use them again!”

“I guess now QT’s like Michael and the rest of us are like Jermaine and Tito.But I have this theory that Jermaine was way more important in the Jackson 5 because who invented the moon walk? Jermaine! Who sang thriller? Jermaine! Who married Lisa Marie? It was Jermaine!”

“I have this dream that I don’t tell many people about, and that’s to own a sea-doo, and I’m gonna get one because I plan to make a buttload of money with this.”

Anyyyywayyy. In an effort to not spend 24 hours posting 2gether paraphernalia, I’ll leave it to this:

a. I have been seeing lots of rumors floating around on the internet that there is a 2gether reunion coming up in May. This is amazesauce…except the band won’t be complete.

b. Because on a serious note, RIP Michael Cuccione. QT was the best! I may  have had an undying love for Noah Bastian, but I still dug QT’s boyish good looks and charm. He’ll be sorely missed in the event of a reunion becoming a reality.

“I heart you.”

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