Here at Modern Material Culture, we have a deep harboring of affection for the show Parks and Recreation, which inspired me to create my own list of Alex’s ‘Oh No No’s.’ In the spirit of Tom Haverford, here is a sampling of the most ridiculous dealbreakers I could think of in a half hour time span.
The ‘Oh No No’ List
- Text messages that feature poor grammar (‘u’ for ‘you’), a literal use of colloquialism (whaddup?), and the use of ‘lol.’
- A total lack of recognition of my heavy use of sarcasm and dry humor. This goes hand-in-hand with another ‘Oh No No’—someone who hears the literal meaning of my sarcastic remark, thus resulting in a fight of some kind—I’m looking at you, High School Boyfriend #3.
- Just because you are a doctor and I was a Media Arts major does not mean you are smarter than me. Don’t even get me started on how I feel about someone who likes playing devil’s advocate.
- If I can drink you under the table for 9.99/10 occasions, you’re an embarrassment to mankind. I am 5’ 2”, slightly over 100 pounds, and possess no known superhero liver strength. Therefore, the amount of times this has happened to me is baffling.
- Oh, are we wearing the same skinny jeans? That’s real nice.
- You are a fan of any Philadelphia sports team.
- Your idea of a gift falls along the lines of a Brita water filter, digital photo frame, or paper weight.
- An annoying obsession with politics or environmentalism.
- Bad teeth and/or bad tattoos.
- If you are not comfortable with the fact that I will leave you in a hot second if I happen to get asked out on a date by Sidney Crosby.
Hey Tom, I know who Ginuwine is.