A Male’s Oh No No List

Our first guest post. This ‘Oh No No’ list came from a friend who was inspired by Christa and I”s list of relationship demands. He wanted to contribute the male’s point-of-view. If he sounds like your kind of man, shoot us an email, we’ll hook you up.

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A Male’s Oh No No List

After reading Alex’s ‘Oh no no’ list [editor’s note: see Christa’s here too], I began to think about what would make my own list.  Several things came to mind immediately, and I decided to write them down to give a list from the male perspective.  I’m sure I don’t speak for all guys, but, ladies, if any of the following pertains to you, I’m just not that into you.

– A complete lack of intelligence or a fake lack of intelligence.  If you’re not at least mildly intelligent, I know you were born that way, and you can’t help it.  It’s not your fault. I just need someone that can challenge me intellectually.  If you fake being unintelligent and act ditzy because you think it’s cute, please stay away from me.  It’s not cute.  You’re smarter than that.

– You rock a poof.  I don’t want to date Snooki.

– You have an aversion to dirt and the outdoors. I like to play outside. Please join me.

– Ghetto attitude. If I see you do that thing where your head moves backward while your chin stays parallel to the floor, and you put your hand out with one finger up, I will be frightened.  Even if it’s not directed at me, I know that it one day will be. I will run in the opposite direction.

– Things I have in common with Alex’s list: Text messages with poor grammar, the use of lol, and bad teeth.

– Trying to be funny. It’s okay if you’re not funny. That’s what my friends are for. If you have try, you’re probably not funny. I only ask that you appreciate my sense of humor.

– Oversized hoop earrings. They tend to accompany ghetto attitude.

– DRUG HABITS. I dated a girl once who had a bong in her room that I noticed the first time I slept at her house. She told me she didn’t smoke that often.     I was much younger and dumber, so I believed her. She lied. Needless to say, that relationship did not end well, and while her affinity for handblown glassware may not have directly contributed to why we broke up, it is now nonnegotiable.

– #princessproblems, #prettygirlproblems, or #prettymuchanythingproblems.

– A lack of appreciation for Frank Sinatra or the artists of his era.

– Sloppy drunkenness. You might be able to get away with it if we’ve been dating for several months, but all in all, it’s just really unattractive.

– I am completely comfortable with the fact that you’d leave me for Sydney Crosby, but wife him up, and if things don’t work out between the two of you, get some alimony and come back to me.

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