A Tribute to My Very First Mix CD

<3<3<3<3<3<3

A Tribute to My Very First Mix CD

When I was in the mother land this past week I seized the opportunity to go through the box that houses all of my old mix CDs…and, boy, was this eye opening. I delved into this collection thinking I would just quickly grab a random stack of CDs for my drive back to Pittsburgh. Considering that most of the CDs aren’t accompanied with any sort of track list or title, unless its a generic label like ‘*~*~Alex’s Mix IIIV~*~*,’ I knew I was going to have some fun surprises coming my way. However, I was not prepared to be reacquainted with the first ever mix CD I ever owned. This little gem, wedged between copies of Miles Davis’ ‘Some Kind of Blue’ and Anoushka Shankar’s ‘Live at Carnegie Hall’ (she is the best ever sitar player, okay?!), was made for me when I was in 7th grade, during the year of 2001. The mix master of this compilation (shout out to DS, what up, gangsta?!) was one of the first people I personally knew to get a CD burner. Actually, given the way that everyone was hounding him for CDs, he might have been the first kid in the entire middle school to have one at the time. Times were changing rapidly. I was enamored by the notion that there were possibilities developing for listening to particular songs whenever you wanted. I was tired of sitting by the radio with blank cassette tapes and a tape recorder. For the most part, I also refused to buy a band or artist’s entire album. I mean, I was 12! For one, the absence of an income made a purchase of any kind tricky. And secondly, with my 10-second attention span I knew I would only listen to it for a week before getting bored. I really only wanted to listen to 1 of the 10 songs on the album anyway, for goodness sakes…

Still with me here? Lets recap. DSL/Cable Modem Internet access + rising popularity of P2P file sharing services [I.E., FREE MUSIC! (just kidding, RIAA, just kidding!!!)] + downfall of the cassette tape, rise of the CD + manufacturing of CD burners for ‘at-home’ use = RAP MUSIC

Don’t question my mathematical conclusion.  If you weren’t listening to rap and r&b during the turn of the millennium, you were a huge loser. Up until the point of burned CDs, I was most definitely, by that standard, a loser. I still die from embarrassment when I think about how I was the only one who didn’t know all the words to Nelly’s “Country Grammar.” With CDs, I could make sure I knew every word to the bridge of Ludacris’ “Fantasy.” I was no longer going to be taunted by my crewmembers at middle school dances or DJed 13th birthday parties.

Before CD Burners & Mix CDs

Everyone else: “You don’t KNOW this song?!”

Me: “…um, no, of course I do…” [attempts to sing along, really is just mumbling nondescript words]

Me (in my mind): Sorry, asshole, put on some Van Morrison and I’ll SHOW you some lyric memorization!”

After

Me with everyone else: “I wanna, la la la lick you from yo head to yo toes…”

I tried to channel my inner J. Lo at middle school dances…

So, now that I’ve set that up with questionable accuracy, I guess its time. Time for me to introduce you to my first ever mix CD. I should probably note that the rest of this post contains adult material, expletives, and lots of talk about sexy time activities that aren’t even featured in 50 Shades of Grey. I still can’t believe we all listened to these songs when we were 13. How confusing for a bunch of hormonal pre-teens! I mean, we like to pick apart the effect “violent” rock music has on young people, but this is like a whole other issue. I still don’t think I’m mature enough to listen to these songs.

It feels just like yesterday I first laid eyes on you, mix CD.

1. Sunshine Anderson – Heard It All Before
2001

2. Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule – I’m Real (Murder Remix)
2001

Seriously, what the h is Ja Rule doing these days?! Can anyone answer me that?!?

3. Wyclef Jean feat. Ecleftic & 11 – Perfect Gentleman
2001

Call up my mama said I’m in love with a stripper yo!

I still love this song. Sure, it’s mostly about strippers, and it took me several years to understand what “ten grand” represented, but there’s something about a Wyclef song that I dig.

4. Jay-Z – Izzo (H.O.V.A.) [aka, “H to the Izzo”]
2001

H to the izz-O, V to the izz-A
Fo’ shizzle my nizzle used to dribble down in VA

Fun facts: This song was produced by Kanye West, why had I never heard about him until 2006? The first verse regards Jay-Z’s early career as a drug dealer, second verse about struggles with the recording industry, and last verse is about childhood growing up in the Marcy Houses housing projects (Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood in Brooklyn). And only Jay would make up his own language called “-izzle.” H.O.V.A. is -izzle talk and refers to one of his nicknames, Jayhova. Word dawg.

5. Jagged Edge feat. Nelly – Where the Party At
2001

6. P. Diddy ft. Black Rob & Mark Curry – Bad Boy for Life (Dirty)
2001

We ain’t, go-in nowhere, we ain’t, goin nowhere 
We can’t be stopped now, cause this bad boy for life 

Yes those are cameos by Dave Navarro, Ben Stiller, Xzibit, Ice Cube, Snoop Dogg, Mike Tyson & Blink-182.

7. Missy Elliot ft. Ludacris and Trina – One Minute Man
2001

8. 112 – Peaches ‘N Cream
2001

Gettin’ freaky in my Bentley limousine
It’s even better when it’s with ice cream
Know what I mean

Oh, how catchy was this one. I loved it. And, again, had no idea at the time what ‘Peaches ‘N Cream’ was an innuendo for. Please read through the lyrics of this song. They are so dirty I just blushed when I read them and then threw up a little in my mouth.

9. Craig David – Fill Me In
2000

10. Fabolous ft. Nate Dogg – Can’t Deny It
2001

11. 112 – Its Over Now
2001

12. Lil’ Rascals [aka Lil’ Bow Wow, Lil Wayne, Lil’ Zane & Sammie] – Hardball
2001

I’m pretty sure this is the only song on this CD that does not describe a sexual activity in explicit detail. Thanks to my research on this song, I found out that Lil Wayne is only 29. How is that even possible? He looks like he’s 40 years old. So, that means that he was 18 when this song was recorded. Lil Bow Wow was 13, what a cutie.

13. Ludacris – Whats Your Fantasy
2000

I wanna get you in the back seat windows up
That’s the way you like to fuck, clogged up fog alert
Rip the pants and rip the shirt, ruff sex make it hurt
In the garden all in the dirt

Every time I hear this song, I can still rap that whole bridge towards the end (see above for example). And usually I don’t actually listen to what I’m saying. I sure as hell didn’t know what the lyrics were actually describing when I was 12, and to be quite honest I still don’t know what all Ludacris is describing here. People are getting all up in arms about Fifty Shades “erotica,” while 12 year olds could recite all the words to a song that describes more sexual activities in 3 minutes than are described in 3 novels. Go figure.

14. Ludacris ft. Nate Dogg – Area Codes
2001

It’s the abominable “O” man
Globe-trot international post man

Oh, Ludacris, you are just so good at these risque songs! You dog, you. Guess what “Area Codes” is about. Did you guess that its a song listing all the area codes that Ludy banged a woman in? 43 area codes by my count. The best part is that in this song’s Wikipedia article, they actually point out how  this song “may be incomprehensible to future generations of listeners” because many of the area codes listed in the song have been changed in the past 10+ years to represent different geographical regions. God forbid that future generations of pre-teens can’t figure out where Ludacris spread his seed.

15. Trick Daddy – I’m A Thug
2001

16. Mary J. Blige – Family Affair
2001

Produced by Dr. Dre.

17. Blu Cantrell – Hit ’em Up Style (Oops!)
2001

Carolina Chocolate Drops did it better, sorry Blu.

Advertisements

“Oh No No” List: Christa Edition

In light of Alex’s Oh No No list, I have decided to write my own. Some No Nos will be the same while others are all my own. My list is YEARS in the making and some are quite shallow while others have taken some real thought as of late. So without much further ado, here are Christa’s Oh No Nos when it comes to guys and dating:

1. Do not try to hit on me at a bar by starting an argument with me. Example: “You can’t be a hockey fan. You’re from the South, you’re not even from Pittsburgh, so you can’t even be a Penguins fan.” This is an Oh Hell No No. The quickest way for me to lose attraction is to be told that I’m wrong. Boy, please, if you want to talk hockey let’s talk hockey. I know my shit and I can carry a real conversation.

2. I may be shallow, but if it works, it will make me happy. I have come to the conclusion that I CAN NOT date anyone who is not as tall, or taller, than I am when I wear heels. I am 5’7/5’8 and even flat footed I am constantly receiving comments such as “wow, you’re really tall” and “you’re kinda tall.” So, you make these comments and you’re not getting anywhere with me, and truly you’re probably one of the guys that I won’t even look at for you to be able to make this statement.

3. I grew up in the south, went to undergrad in the south, and had to deal with southern frat boys.I’m sorry, but when you graduate from undergrad, you can not continue to wear your salmon colored polo, croakies, madras, and sperry’s/rainbows. If you do you had better have the non-douche attitude to go with it because this wardrobe will immediately send me in the opposite direction.

4. To agree with my co-blogger: If your legs are skinnier than mine and you look better in skinny jeans than I do, it’s just not going to happen. Hands down.

5. If you can’t drink whiskey, don’t like whiskey, or think I’m not feminine enough because I drink whiskey, you can just walk away. Whiskey is the nectar of the gods and if we can’t share that goodness then you are not worth my time. Harsh, I know, but true, nonetheless.

This felt mildly appropriate seeing as how I’m mentioning “all the small things” and because I love 90s music

6. Truly talking and having a real conversation about EVERYTHING. If you can not do this, it’s going to be difficult. I like to talk it out. Everything that crosses my mind. I sometimes don’t have a filter if I feel comfortable with you, so if you can’t handle that and can’t talk about your feelings and all the small shit with me, then we can’t talk. Or at least not seriously.

7. If we can’t share silly little quotes from shows like Parks and Rec and the Office and Arrested Development, then we can’t even be friends, let alone a couple.

8. This is more of a recent realization: I can’t date musicians. Period. I’ve tried, many times, and it always ends badly. If you play an instrument I’m going to be very leery of you unless you play a sport (specifically hockey) that is more important to you than your instrument, then I might be more accepting of you. But don’t lead off with the musician bit.

There may be more to add to this list as my bitterness towards the male species waxes or wanes. We’ll see. But right now, I can’t deviate from what’s above. It may seem shallow, but how else am I going to get what I want, and I don’t think these are too specific and narrow, but if they are then you’re just going to have to really impress me to get my attention.