How To Decide Your “Type” of Guy

A couple of months ago a friend of mine was giving me a ride home from work and of course our conversation quickly took a turn from “what am I going to do with my life?” to what else but boys.

Every girl tends to think that she has a “type” of guy that she finds attractive and as it turns out if she actually tries to be with this type of person he either never gives her the time of day or she realizes that he is not what she thought. When she finally does find a guy that she can say she’s crazy about it will usually be followed by “he’s so different from every other guy I’ve ever liked!”

I’m starting to learn that this is because while, yes, we do have initial attributes that attract us to the opposite sex, we really place more emphasis on personality and other relatable qualities than we do appearance. The most beautiful man can have the ugliest personality and (I don’t want to necessarily say “vice versa” but) the less attractive guy can become the most beautiful person you’ve ever known because of the way you two connect.

So getting back to my conversation with my friend: She told me that because we can all be so picky about who we give our attention to and because so many people have such a long list of unrealistic qualities that they will never find all of them in one person, we must create a list of 5 qualities that are the most important to us in a partner. And the key to this list is to create it with only yourself, and the things you know about yourself, in mind. No basing your list off of that one person who you think you like right now.

I’ll be honest and say that I have been one of those girls with unrealistic qualities and that really only limits your options and the possibility of being happy. So here is my new revised 5 item list of qualities/attributes of the person I think would be a good match for me (in no particular order):

1. Intelligence: I must be able to have a conversation with you that I feel that we both get something out of it; that we’ve learned from each other. This conversation should not include me feeling as if I’m defending myself and my choices or beliefs because I feel that an intelligent person should also be an open-minded person.

2. Humor: I love to laugh and I laugh at silly little things that may not actually be funny. So it would be fantastic if we can make each other laugh, even if it comes down to you laughing at my laughing at something stupid. Just don’t judge me too harshly based off of my sense of humor.

3. Height: I will admit that this is my shallowest quality that I look for (and I have mentioned this before in a previous post). It does come down to my own insecurities, but I enjoy a person who is taller than I am even if it’s only by a tiny bit. Honestly, I think it has more to do with my feeling safe with whomever I’m with, so maybe I should re-title this one “Security” or “Safety” instead of “Height.”

4. Communication: Everyone mentions it but not everyone can do it. Communication is the most important thing that any kind of relationship can have. I need to be able to tell you my thoughts and feelings and concerns and I need someone who can accept that, listen to what I have to say, and also return their thoughts, feelings, and concerns as well. I do enjoy listening just as much as I enjoy talking, sometimes more. And these conversations do not always have to be serious, I enjoy fun or interesting conversations as well that do not always have to have a serious “point” to them.

5. Understanding: This is broad and a little vague, but admittedly  I have some weird issues and it would be nice to have someone who does not get irritated or angry at me when I do go through a “phase” or get in a “mood.” To be honest I can probably tell you exactly what is going on with me at that particular moment and I can probably tell you how I need you to help me with it whether it’s by leaving me alone, being with me but not talking, or by talking it out with me. But I also need someone who can hear what I tell them or not tell them and know how to act accordingly, regardless of what I say I might need. This of course will take some time to get to know and it’s just what comes with being in a relationship for a period of time. I just hope that I can find someone who will take the time to get to this point with me.

I know these are probably the same things that everyone and their mother tells you to take into consideration when meeting boys, but the important thing to remember is that all of these have different meanings for different people. My standards for each of these are probably different from yours, but that’s what makes these lists important: you have to know what each one means to you. However, no matter the qualities/attributes you add to your list, they do of course go both ways. The things you want in a partner are things you have to be willing to put into a relationship as well. If you can meet someone who has one or two of the qualities you like straight away then go ahead and have a conversation to see if they’re worth your time to get to know further. But on the other hand, if the other person doesn’t seem interested or loses interest and you’re still in the “getting to know you” zone don’t be upset. You have to acknowledge that perhaps you just weren’t what they wanted; just how I’m sure you have ended a potential relationship because the other person just wasn’t turning out how you seemed. No one is at fault in these situations, it’s just a matter of personalities and personal wants and needs not matching up. At least you got to spend that little bit of time getting to know someone new. And who knows? Maybe you’ll end up having that person as a friend while you meet the next new man who could be better for you.

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I Miss the Sweet and Simple

One of the things I miss the most about being in relationship is holding hands. It was something I was never able to do with the last guy I was seeing because that wasn’t what kind of “relationship” we were supposed to have. I can’t even tell you how many times I had to catch myself and pull back or make an awkward move as if I was trying to do something else when I started to reach for his hand. I don’t know if he ever noticed and if he did, if he realized what it all meant. But either way, it’s over now and doesn’t make a difference. But all of this made me realize just how much holding someone’s hand can mean. It’s such a sweet, simple, and innocent act that should never be taken for granted. It can convey all sorts of emotions with the slightest change in pressure of your grip; from just a few intertwined fingers that  hardly hold a grip, but still show affection by the slight touch they provide. To a full on palms touching, fingers laced, squeeze that can show support, can calm fears, or can say “I love you.”

Nothing makes my heart ache more for a love of my own than seeing an elderly couple still walking together holding hands after so many years. My heart also aches for little ol’ Wall-E when he’s watching that musical and seeing the couple hold hands and then tries to intertwine his own mechanical fingers to mimic hand holding.

Let me tell you, I know how he feels.

It’s been so long since I’ve been able to feel what holding hands with someone special feels like. I had honestly not thought of it at all – almost forgotten it – until I realized I was trying to have that with someone I really couldn’t. That affected me more than I ever imagined.

I still get a little irritated and “hateful” when I see other couples holding hands, and it temporarily sends a sharp pain through my chest. I want to feel that again, and hopefully someday soon, but definitely with someone who really wants and deserves to share that with me too.

Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you

What I’m about to say is probably going to ruin all credibility to my earlier statement about not being a crazy just-trying-to-get-my-MRS-masters-degree woman….but, I freakin’ love watching a good YouTube marriage proposal. I don’t even know these people and I get goosebumps and these weird tears of happiness that for at least that few minutes, love has been captured. Just to clarify, I don’t sit on YouTube and type ‘cute marriage proposals’ in the search box and then spend hours on end linking out to other videos. I have better things to do, assholes. I usually discover them after they are posted on some site that has a tendency to post viral videos, like the Huffington Post, HelloGiggles or New York Magazine…or, of course, through social media. Here are some of my favorites, including the one that inspired me to confess my affinity for viral video wedding proposals.

Unless you live in a cave, you’ve probably seen this pop up around the internet in the past few days…because it is the best new proposal idea ever. Isaac whoever-you-are, you have really set the bar high for the rest of the male population. I’m sure that every guy that was planning to propose in the very immediate future has made the smart decision to wait until this video has ran its course of fame. If I (a.) had a boyfriend and (b.) had a boyfriend who was proposing to me right this instant, I’d probably morph into a spoiled brat, “WHERE ARE ALL OF OUR DANCING FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS AND WHY ARE YOU IN JEANS AND A TEE SHIRT?! DON’T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT TRICKING ME INTO MARRYING YOU?!”

I caught this one on Ellen on the day it actually aired. There isn’t anything too extraordinary about this one, except that it was Ellen orchestrating it, and that the poor girl was in her pajamas in Morgantown, West Virginia in early February. And Ellen gives them all sorts of awesome stuff!

Oh, my heart. I love movie trailers with a vengeance. When this movie trailer proposal made it big, I was in college and doing the film major thing, so of course everyone in our program had something to say about it. There have been lots of others that were made after this one got popular, but the original always pulls at the heart strings a little more, and I kinda love watching her expression as it is playing onscreen.

This one is so creative! The stop motion of the mural in progression is real neat.

I can’t even think about how much work it probably was to get all this orchestrated on one particular train car at one particular time. Its great to watch, but I’d probably die from embarrassment. Then again, if the man proposing has the same accent that guy has, then I don’t really care. Propose however you want, you saucy Englishman, you.

Finally, a military coming home marriage proposal. I have never dated anyone in the military, so I’m not sure what its like, but I have been in a long distance relationship, and can relate to that feeling of sitting in the airport waiting for your special person to arrive. This girl was probably so excited as it was and then to have this happen! I love it. I like to imagine the guy on the airplane passing out the roses to all the passengers and telling him about his plan and how they could help him out. It melts my heart. Love it.

 

Just a point: you’ll notice there are no flash mob proposals on my abridged list up there. That’s because flash mobs are stupid.